23 October 2007

Postcards From the Edge


C:

Greetings from The Big Easy. I know it's kind of stupid that I'm here in New Orleans because my Wikipedia page says I'm "currently focusing [my] humanitarian efforts on Music Rising, a charity that provides musical instruments to those who lost instruments in Hurricane Katrina," but I'm really here. Doing that. One guy lost a tromboon (a combination of the trombone and the bassoon) ... where'm I gonna get one of those??? Lots of zydeco stuff too, rubboards and accordians.

So explain this to me. You want to write fake postcards from me from locations like The Joshua Tree and the site of Martin Luther King's assassination in Memphis and one in which I'm confused about which street I'm on, dated things like "January 1st" and "Sunday," and call it "Postcards From the Edge"? To tell the truth, I don't think I've even heard of that movie (Carrie Fisher wrote it? Princess Leia? That's you, man ... you're totally like this hologram projected from a robot's belly that's like "Help Me, Edge, You're My Only Hope"). In 1990 we were recording "Achtung Baby" and I was spending all my time messing with new pedals and stuff. I think that was the last summer that I saw Bono's eyes. I know it's kind of obvious to say he's hiding from something, but come on. Anyway, you can do it - knock yourself out - but are you sure it's funny? Like the whole thing rests on that pun with the movie or whatever and then the fact that we've written a bunch of songs about places. I've never read this "McSweeneys" magazine, but is that enough? I mean, don't let me stop you, but I don't really get it.

-Edge

P.S. Thanks for the copy of "Lost in the Funhouse." I'll check it out on the plane tomorrow.

C:

The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful. Just kidding. That's from a song by this group called The Mr. T Experience. You probably think it's weird that I'm into late 90s pop-punk bands. That would be way more likely to be the kind of stuff you're into, right? Did you know the guy Dr. Frank from that band writes "young adult" novels now? Maybe you should write fake postcards from him? No, I guess that ruins the whole "edge" thing.

I'm still thinking about your postcard thing. What about one from, like, the top of the Empire State Building and you could say something like "gotta go, I'm getting Vertigo." Or better yet, from on top of Mount Rushmore, like that Hitchcock movie, North by Northwest. Or that other one with Jimmy Stewart where he's up high in that church tower. What's that one called again?

Well, you can do what you want, but I don't think you should start wearing knit skullcaps year round like I do. I kind of have to at this point because people expect it, you know. And sometimes I just wanted to be like "look ... my hair is thin, whatever ... I'm married." I mean I just turned forty-six. Forty-freakin-six, man. Besides, if you start doing it, you'll end up having to explain to people why you're doing it and they know your hair is thinning, but I don't know if they know mine is. So maybe you should just cut it real short.

-Edge

P.S. Have you ever seen a postcard that was quite this size? I mean, I was able to write THREE FULL PARAGRAPHS just now. That's not your garden variety postcard in terms of size.

C:

Yeah, I don't really like "Vertigo" either. The "Catorce" thing. I KNOW. It was actually Larry's idea and he hadn't suggested anything since like 1986 so we had to sort of humor him.

Why don't you just use these? I mean, nobody knows that you really know me, right? (They'd never believe the story about how we met anyway). And these are "postcards from the Edge." It's like looking through a two-way mirror or something - they can't see you back there.

Infinite Guitar,
Edge

5 comments:

C said...

I'm not as smart as I look. It took me a minute to figure out what was going on here? Was it the formatting?

Adam said...

c:

Hey, C, it's Fish. Thanks for keeping "Postcards" in the public eye.

Just hoping you saw my turn as 'Rosemary' tonight on 30 Rock where I had the line "Help me Liz Lemon, you're my only hope. Funny, right? That Tina.

Your Golden Bikini Slave Always,
Carrie

Madhurima said...

To bring it back to me:

The idea that I had was to have Postcards from the Edge, where you have different "The Edge"s. You thought of the coolest one. The only ones I have for you are

a) The Edge with Anthony Hopkins http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119051

b) The Edge, the Ford car.

c) The Edge, by Catherine Coulter. Don't ask me who she is.

Is it sad that I'm still going?

kris said...

Hi C,

I’m gonna PULverise you! Arrgh! U2? YOU TOO? The REAL Edge doesn’t play guitar, the REAL Edge smacks down FOOLS like you in a WORLD of PAIN.

Ha ha. I’m just joshing with you, C, you know that right? Jesus, I hope people don’t think I really talk like that, even in correspondence. It’s all show for the ring, I promise! Although the muscles are real. And a lot of skill, more than laypersons might understand. And I would actually like to meet that other Edge.

Just to talk to him, you know, entertainer to entertainer. I mean, I might get in his face just a little bit. Kinda get up in his face and say, “When your KIDS hear the Edge, they think of ME, Argh!” You know, just an unscientific comparison of U2’s aging listeners to the average age of WWE viewership. And then I’d totally tell him I was joking and we’d get a beer or something.

I love the part when the other Edge tells you about his thinning hair! He’s so open and honest. Honestly, sometimes having long, lush, blonde hair can be hard, too.

So whaddya think? Can you hook us up? Since you know us both, maybe next time he’s at your house you could give me a call, casual-like. I’ll take it outside, I promise.

Always RAW,

Edge

p.s. I wouldn’t mind meeting Princess Leia, either.

Anonymous said...

This sounds familiar. I feel like this idea was tossed around as a short film idea.

Interesting.

-el zombi de pulpa