Syllogisms. You know, like
1) Every song by Air Supply is laughably saccharine yet oddly irrestible
2) "All Out of Love" is a song by Air Supply
THEREFORE: "All Out of Love" is laughably saccharine yet oddly irrestible.
I challenge all comers to detect any airholes in that logic. Hermetically sealed.
So in a recent New Yorker article by Steve Martin he includes some stretched out syllogisms by logician and Jack-of-All-Bandersnatch Lewis Carroll. Apparently the logic holds despite its elaborate container.
1) No interesting poems are unpopular among people of real taste
2) No modern poetry is free from affectation
3) All your poems are on the subject of soap bubbles
4) No affected poetry is popular among people of real taste
5) Only a modern poem would be on the subject of soap bubbles
THEREFORE: All your poems are uninteresting.
That cracks me up. Me and Steve Martin.
Anyway, I invite you to compose your own SILLY-GISMS and post here. Conventional or otherwise. C'mon it'll be fun. Don't you wanna ... just give it a ... You think you're better than me, don't you? Sitting there with your smarm and your shirt and your not blogging things. And the judging. That's what gets me. Who do you think you are anyway, Oliver Wendell Holmes?? Do you think you're Oliver Wendell Holmes?? Do you??Seriously, donate syllogisms.
[And I would be remiss if I failed to point out that the dual Aussie warblers that head Air Supply are Graham Russell and Russell Hitchcock. So it is both my dream and my earnest intention to form a softrock supergroup called GRAHAM RUSSELL HITCHCOCK that will play Air Supply covers and the occasional original jam. Our first album will be called TAKE A DEEP BREATH. And we will only play at dentist's offices and maybe other offices and supermarkets or wherever they like to play the literock radio station.]
6 comments:
1. The word “chuckle” has a strange ring to it.
2. I chuckle when I hear my dog snoring on the sofa.
Therefore: When I verbally articulate my physical reaction to hearing my dog snore, I feel kind of funny.
[Showing Off]
Valid:
a) Cartoon birds help me get dressed in the morning.
b) Cartoon birds only help Cinderella get dressed.
c) I am Cinderella.
Invalid:
a) Steve Martin has a ton of white hair.
b) Einstein had a ton of white hair
c) Steve Martin formulated the theory of relativity.
Unsound:
a) America hates musicals
b) I like musicals.
c) America hates me.
Sound (Valid and True):
a) Blogging (and commenting thereon) is awesome.
b) It is awesome to be awesome.
c) You and I are awesome.
1. Bears eat honey
2. Honey is sweet
3. Bees make honey
Therefore: Bees make bears
1. I like pie
2. I hope to die
3. Just get a load of this
4. When you get high
5. Doggone to pie
Therefore: C’mon and knock me a kiss
1. We’re scared of the unexpected
2. We laugh when we’re scared
3. Syllogisms are logical
4. Logic is a method to successfully predict an outcome
5. Tuna fish
Therefore: ROTFLMAO
1. Tragedy + Time = Comedy
2. Prejudice + Power = Racism
Therefore: Time + Prejudice = Racist Comedy
John Madden-gisms:
1. All football games are won or lost between the beginning and the end of the football game.
2. This game has begun.
3. From now until the end of the football game is when you win or lose the football game.
1. Ya see, great football is played by great football players.
2. Brett Favre is a great football player.
3. Brett Favre is playing some great football tonight.
1. If the quarterback completes a pass in the end zone, it's a touchdown.
2. Brett Favre has just completed a pass in the end zone.
3. BOOM! It's a touchdown.
1. See whatcha got there is your double bubble.
2. Double bubbles create pockets of protection.
2. Double-bubbled pockets of protection cannot be penetrated by the pass rush.
3. Peyton's pocket of protection was double-bubbled.
4. Therefore, Peyton's protective pocket was not penetrated by pass-rushers, thus permitting him the possibility to pass, unimpeded.
Good syllogisms all around! But just a quick note: John Madden-"gisms" sounds horrendously dirty . . .
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